The Love Formula
Step 2: Where did it come from?
Our relationship patterns come from two places:
We learn + copy (family)
We experience + believe + act (trauma)
The Journaling Prompts:
My family environment was...
My parents were...
In my family, I was...
As a child, I was...
As a teen, I was...
Your Beliefs about Yourself:
Did you experience something troubling, or even traumatic, when you were young?
What did it cause you to believe about yourself?
How did it cause you to act towards others? How did it cause you to act towards yourself?
If you didn't have this belief, and you could delete it and replace it with a new one, what would that new belief be?
e.g. "I'm not good enough" could become "I am worthy and loveable exactly as I am."
What other kind and supportive words can you say to yourself?
(ProTip: these are usually the words you want others to say to you, e.g. "You did really well today" or "I'm really proud of you.")
How will you say these words to yourself?
- Write out these words in a journal
- Say them to yourself silently (in your mind)
- Speak these words out loud while looking into a mirror
- Record these words on a voice note on your phone and listen to it
- Set the affirmation as a pop-up reminder on your phone
- Print all the beliefs out as a list and look at them before you go to bed or as soon as you wake up (our brain is in theta before/after sleep... beliefs go in much easier)
- Post-its on your mirror or in your car (if this is a safe place where nobody else can see them)
Your Beliefs about Love & Relationships
What did you witness between your parents in your family home? Were they happy or unhappy? Did they have a heathy relationship with each other, or not? Did you see your parents fight/argue?
Imagine being a 6-year-old child witnessing this. What would they start to believe about love and relationships based on what they were seeing?
Take a look at these beliefs. What emotions come up for you? Feel them in your body. (if you need help, there is a bonus video training called 'How To Self Soothe' that leads you through this process)
Looking at these beliefs... can you link up these beliefs to your patterns in love? e.g. if you avoid love, does it match with a belief of "Love isn't safe" because you saw your parents fight with each other?
Close your eyes and imagine you are in your dream relationship. What beliefs would your Future Self have about love? Write down these beliefs.
These are the beliefs you need to lock in (and believe) to start having healthier relationships. How will you repeat these beliefs to yourself? See the examples above.